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This time last year I was several hundred dollars in debt – from Christmas presents. I couldn’t believe something that gave me so much joy in the moment could cause me so much pain only a few weeks later.
That was right before I got into personal finance and started feverishly reading all I could about budgeting and managing money. In January, B and I sat down with an Excel spreadsheet and ruthlessly went through my revenue and expenses. We found that it wasn’t necessarily day to day things that were destroying my budget, but rather these big purchases – mostly gifts!
It was about February or March when I realized, as I started to gear up for birthday and wedding season, that I needed to drastically cut back. For my budget, but also for my friends’ sake. I started to actually resent my friends – as if they were causing me to spend too much money on their gifts!
You may not believe it, but cutting back on gifts (either sending them something semi-homemade, or simply spending $25 instead of $50) didn’t impact our relationships at all. Most of my friends didn’t even notice I was spending less on them – as long as I still kept in touch, that was all that mattered!
Due to what I learned earlier this year, I came up with a list of ‘ruthless’ rules when it comes to gifts in the future. They’re ruthless because not necessarily everyone will agree with them – some might say I’m stingy or don’t appreciate the real meaning of gift-giving. I say my list keeps my sanity, and checkbook, in check – which makes me a happier, better friend and family member. Feel free to implement these rules as you wish!
Ruthless Gift-Giving Rules
You can be happy like this lady when you’re shopping for people you really like!
Ruthless Rule 1: A rule of 3 – if I didn’t see you outside of work or group activities more than 3 times, I’m not getting you a gift. I love my friends from college and grad school, but last year I sent them all gifts – and they weren’t cheap gifts. While it’s a nice gesture, a card would have worked just as well. Or, even better, I could have saved that money and scheduled a trip to visit them.
In past years, instead of saving up for presents, I traveled to two cities (Portland and Washington D.C.) to visit friends (and both trips I was able to combine with family visits!). I was able to catch up with both friends and family, see their new apartments/houses, and actually spend quality time with them.
In 2015, I plan on taking advantage of my travel rewards credit card to travel even more and visit friends I haven’t seen in 2 years or more. In my opinion, this is a way better use of my money than buying gifts!
Ruthless Rule 2: No gifts for everyone in the office – okay, so our workplace is pretty small, but it’s also larger than 15 people. For some reason last year, 90% of the people in my office got everyone a gift – so I joined the 90% and got everyone a gift too. What a waste! Of money and of time stressing out about what to get people I hardly talked to.
Not this year! This year I’m only getting presents* for my team of 3 people. Furthermore, it’s a present with an asterisk. 2/3 people are getting Starbucks gift cards, because we all like to go to Starbucks together, and the other person is getting a gift card to the sandwich place across the street that he’s obsessed with. Practical, useful, enjoyable and affordable. $30 total!
Related: How to Handle Office Coworkers When They Hate the Holidays
Ruthless Rule 3: If you need it or it will improve your life, you’re getting it! – No more fluffy gifts that people like, but only for a little while. While blenders aren’t ‘sexy’, a blender is something my Mom wants but won’t get for herself – so that (might) be what she’s getting!
I have a few family members who are just getting started in the workforce and are moving into their own places. Target gift cards are maybe not that attractive, but will they come in handy when you need that shower curtain? You bet they will!
Most importantly, my family members have loved these gifts. Heck, I already asked my Mom for an electric toothbrush for Christmas – yes, a toothbrush. I love the toothbrush she has and my dentist recommend an electric brush for me, but I don’t necessarily want to buy myself an electric toothbrush… so why not receive it as a gift? I will use it, and I will love it! Win-win!
If you’re not sure what to get people, consider using these rules to make your list. If you haven’t seen someone in a long time, why would you get them a gift? Consider sending them a thoughtful card, or calling them – but maybe leave out the gift this year.
As for co-workers – really? Presents for everyone? You see them every single week, your presence is a present! 🙂 If it’s seen as rude to not get people at work a gift (and yes, I’ve experienced that at some offices) consider getting very small or affordable gifts for your immediate team – not the whole office. Better yet, bake something and bring it in for your coworkers!
I know some of these rules will seem not very fun, particularly not getting anyone fluff gifts anymore. A lot of people like to use the holidays as a chance to get fun, “fluff” gifts they typically wouldn’t get themselves – and that’s great! If that’s how your family and friends are, knock yourself out! Just know that it’s not your only option, and you might be surprised by how much people like the useful, practical gifts over the fluff.
No matter what your ruthless rules are, definitely read my How to Prepare for Black Friday post! While written for Black Friday, the websites I noted (particularly Poach It) come in handy for finding the best deals on gifts.
What do you think of these gift-giving rules? Have you come up with your own threshold of who gets gift, or do you do a Secret Santa among family members to bring costs down?
I like your rules. I’ve been using similar rules for a few years. Some of the ladies in our office have started giving gifts to everyone, which makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want that to become an expectation for everyone.
Ugh, I hope your office can avoid that habit. It can get expensive, but mostly it’s just awkward. What do you get that guy in the office you hardly talk to? And last year, someone gave me an ash tray. I don’t smoke… :-/ Good luck!
My work is doing a Secret Santa but other than that there’s no way I can afford to buy my colleagues gifts! I might bake sugar cookies or something and bring them in. People appreciate baked goods 🙂
My close girlfriends and I do a Secret Santa every year too. That way you only need to buy one gift (our max budget is $20). I mail Christmas cards to my other friends because who doesn’t like getting mail?
I love baked goods! And I feel like people expect to eat baked goods during the holidays, so it’s probably extra appreciated 🙂 I love that you do Secret Santa with your friends! That way everyone can get something personalized, but you all save money by just buying one person something. Love it!
Sounds like I’m not getting a gift from you this year. Fine. Be that way.
🙂
I like your rules. Gifting is cool but I would feel terrible if someone I don’t really know got me a gift – especially if it wasn’t in their best interest – financially.
You’ll get a really nice card, how’s that? I might even comment on your blog! *gasp* I like your succinct feelings towards gifts. “Get me one or not, but don’t go into debt for it.” Easy!
I really like the idea of traveling in lieu of a gift. I’ve been quite the ruthless gift-giver in the past with most people outside of my immediate family, but I’m saying that as someone who doesn’t care much about gifts. I know some people show their love and appreciation through gifts, and it makes them feel great to give, I’ve just never been one of them! I’m all about getting and giving practical gifts, though. I actually asked for an electric toothbrush years ago and got one for Christmas.
You’re right, there are a lot of people who like to show their love through gifts. I used to be one myself, until I realized I was actually resenting the people I gave gifts too! However, for those who like to give gifts to show their love, I totally get it and try to reciprocate as best I can with a thoughtful card or small gift. Or, best yet, my presence when I travel to visit them! 🙂 Haha, so glad I’m not the only person who wanted an electric toothbrush for Christmas… 🙂
Workplace gifting is so hard. This year, rather than giving to my whole office, I just gave to my team.
For me, I would love to get a gift, who wouldn’t. But, if for a gift I get a well written card from someone’s heart, that means more to me than any gift or trinket they could buy.
That is so true! I’m glad you’re on the same page – gifting to your team is a lot better because you actually know them and what they like! I love the card thing too – it’s so much more personal and thoughtful.
I like your rules! Especially the no gift if you haven’t seen them at least 3 times this year. And why not suggest something like a white elephant gift exchange for your office? They’re a lot of fun and everyone gets something then! It’s also fun to watch people steal the best gifts from each other.
Thank you! We did a White Elephant last year at work, but some of the gifts are not things you’d want to receive… so I got out of it this year. I already have enough stuff, and I really don’t want to get someone’s sweaty old t-shirts (yes, that was a gift last year!) :-/ Can I go to your white elephant exchange? It sounds better! 🙂
I’m all about practical gift giving. I’ve also opted out of workplace secret santa this year, cutting down my list just to one secret santa with friends and immediate family.
That’s awesome! I cut out of my workplace’s White Elephant exchange this year – I already have enough junk, I don’t need someone else’s! Glad my workplace isn’t the only one that’s fond of doing the gift thing.. :-/
I like your rules. You aren’t stingy! I would never even consider gifts for coworkers—am I a grinch?
I’m so glad you said that! Thank you! 🙂 I don’t know – the first year, most everyone came with gifts, and I felt really awkward. Last year I did gifts, but then I just felt resentful. I’ll get cards for my team and feel good about it this year! 🙂 You’re not a grinch – be happy your work isn’t the same way!
Your rules sound reasonable to me. I have never understood why people feel the need to buy for everyone in their office anyway. You see those people 40 hours/week- no need to buy them a gift too.
So true!! I never thought of it like that, but I do see them more than I see my family (or so it feels). Getting gifts for them is overkill, especially since I get lunch fairly regularly with the majority of them as it is.
These gift giving guidelines are definitely doable and It’s great that you are cutting back on holiday spending this year Melissa. I also work in a small office of about 15 people and but I’m certainly not getting them all gifts but I might bring in some holiday cookies as a treat 🙂 I agree, most people won’t even notice you spend $20 instead of $50 on their gifts and I’m thankful that my close friends are happy just to receive a gift at all from me. By sticking to your guidelines I’m sure you’ll be fine this year.
I think most people would be pretty happy with holiday cookies – I know I would be! 🙂 I’m glad your friends are on the same page as you are – can I be friends with them, too? 🙂
Smart rules! Nobody likes to buy gifts they can’t afford for people they aren’t close to, and nobody likes to receive gifts from those people and feel obliged to reciprocate. Your guidelines make perfect sense to me and help us all feel more joy and less pressure during the holiday season.
Thank you, Gary! I’m always surprised by companies that ‘strongly encourage’ gift giving… it seems like it almost always engenders resentment! Glad you found the guidelines useful 🙂
Really great tips. I really like the idea of giving practical gifts to people — if I buy someone a gift, I’m imagining he or she will use it and love it for years! 🙂
Frankly, if someone is going to say something about the amount of money I am spending, or the type of present I am giving, that person probably won’t receive a gift from me at all the following year.
Thank you! I love practical gifts – if the person really uses it, they will think of you for a long time! Thanks for sharing 🙂
I don’t think this is ruthless at all (this of course from the person who doesn’t buy Christmas gifts – my goal is cards, but I don’t always make that). However, the “rules” are great. We do put waaaaay too much pressure on our selves. Enjoy the time with family and friends!
I love cards! I didn’t do them this year either though… oops 😉
One thing I’ve noticed is taking pictures and creating memory books or calendars for people…it’s been very successful for me, and it’s pretty affordable. Family members really seem to love it. But it requires you actually spend time with your family, which is what the season should be about anyway. It’s a win-win! 🙂 Glad you liked the post! 🙂
I love your rules! They are very practical, and still allow you to be generous without accumulating debt.
My Christmas list is very short this year. As in, I have not yet bought a single gift, and I’m not sure that I will? My sisters and I talked about doing a secret santa, but nothing even came from that. Maybe we’ll look into doing a post-Chirstmas gift exchange instead, and save some extra money?
Thank you so much! I like the idea of a post-Christmas gift exchange… you can probably find some more deals after the holidays, and it’s less stressful!
Hi Melissa! I love that you stick to your plan! During the holidays I used to always feel so giving and often spend more than I should have or wanted to.
I now keep the gift list small and I write everything out. It helps me stick to a budget. Kids are #1, immediate family is #2, and everyone else gets a hug and invite for hot chocolate and Christmas movies at our place!
Happy Holidays,
Jess
That’s awesome, Jessica! I’m so glad you’re prioritizing your Christmas presents too – I love the invite for hot chocolate and Christmas movies idea!! 🙂