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A recent Pew Research study showed that more and more millennials are putting off marriage. The average age of a married couple is now 27 for women and 29 for men, up from 20 and 23, respectively, in 1960. That is, if couples end up getting married at all – In 2012, 32% of men and 25% of women had never been married by age 35.
Is Marriage Irrelevant, or Are There Other Factors to Consider?
One of the most striking things I read was that most couples are delaying marriage due to finances. If you are struggling with your finances, compare energy quotes to save money on utility bills. It was actually a really interesting note in the study: women place a greater deal of importance on finding someone who has a steady job than men do (78% versus 46%). Among men and women who had never been married, but say they may eventually wed, 27% said they are not financially prepared for marriage.
In addition to finances being a challenge to marriage, attitudes are changing to marriage. A large majority of millennials ages 18 to 29 say society is just as well off if people have priorities other than marriage and children. Conversely, among those older than 50, most say society is better off if people make it a priority to get married and have children (67% versus 55%).
Shifting Priorities and Stressed Finances
I find this study interesting because it closely resembles my life and those of my friends. Among my both my male and female friends, a lot of their priorities simply aren’t geared towards marriage and family right now. For those that aren’t burdened by a lot of debt, there are other competing priorities and goals these friends would like to accomplish before settling down. Some of those goals include personal milestones, but a lot include financial milestones – such as getting a job, securing a house, and having some semblance of savings. Many of us have delayed marriage due to giant student loan debt (in my case), other debt, or difficulty finding decent paying jobs.
Finally, we can’t ignore the elephant in the room: the economic downturn has hurt men, and young men in particular, hard. As the Pew study notes, among never married adults ages 25 to 34, the number of employed men per 100 women dropped from 139 in 1960 to 91 in 2012.
As the Pew Study so succinctly puts it: ‘if all never married young women in 2012 wanted to find a young employed man who had also never been married, 9% of them would fail.’
Is the End of Marriage Near?
For all the pessimistic information out there, I don’t think marriage is dead, irrelevant, or ending. Even though many of us millennials think that establishing ourselves outside of marriage is just as important as being married and raising children, many of us still want to get married (66%).
As with most things in life, some things are difficult – like finding someone you’re compatible with who has a steady job or who shares your views on raising kids. However, I think studies like this highlight what a lot of personal finance bloggers discuss: getting out of debt and getting your life started.
It’s not that if you have debt, you don’t have a life – all of us PF bloggers who have debt clearly have lives! 🙂 It’s just that having debt and not having the freedom to live your life the way you want inevitably can hold you back – whether it’s from getting married, starting a family, or starting your own bungee-jumping business.
Disclaimer: I’m not saying everyone has to get married. If you don’t want to get married, for whatever reason, that’s cool too! Marriage isn’t for everyone – especially as the Pew study shows.
Check out the study for yourself here.
What do you think about the Pew study? Have you noticed yourself, or your friends/family delaying marriage or other significant milestones due to finances?
CielBelle says
Right now , amongst my friends, 30 is about the average age to get married. I dont really think its the end of marriage – maybe just being in a different generation and we have different priorities, like what you have posted. Right now everyone has a goal : finish college and then once youre done with that you want to be more more financially stable – a dual income family could not afford the cost of living within the city they live in
Melissa says
That’s a really good point – so many big cities are so expensive, in terms of housing, commuting, etc. that you really need a dual family income. Add a wedding to that, and it’s easy to see why people are delaying marriage more than they did in the past. Like you noticed, I think 30 will become the average – and if you think about it, that’s probably right around when a lot of people in our generation are finally getting on their feet!
Miss M says
I still believe in marriage! I’m not married yet but one day I hope to be. I’m with the older generation that thinks it’s a good thing for society.
Plus, if I can ever figure out that whole DINK thing, the finances might be AWESOME. 😉
Melissa says
DINK finances would be soooo awesome!! That’s another goal 😉 I like marriage too, younger generation or not. We’re on the same page! 🙂
Brittany @ Fun on a Budget Blog says
Hmmmmm While I believe everyone’s viewpoint on marriage is valid bc these are opinions, not facts, it makes me really sad to think people would put off marriage or a loving relationship bc they “aren’t financially stable” or are pursuing other goals. If people are waiting until they have a good enough job or salary they might be waiting forever–our generation is famous for always wanting more, more, more.
Melissa says
That’s true, Brittany! I really hope no one is putting off a loving relationship, but I can see how marriages are expensive – the actual wedding itself, at least. It’s all up to the individual couple on when they want to get married, but from my perspective, a lot of people want a ‘traditional’ wedding (bride, groom, wedding party, inviting people, etc.) – and that costs money a lot of people our age might not have yet! 🙂
Erin @ Journey to Saving says
I’ve flip flopped on this issue lately. My boyfriend and I have been wanting to hold off on marriage until our student loans are paid off, but at the same time, there are some family members who aren’t getting younger, and I would be upset if we waited so long they didn’t make it to our wedding. To kind of compromise, we’re hoping to stay under $5k, but things are still up in the air as we’re not engaged yet! A decent amount of college friends (age 25) have been getting engaged/married recently.
Melissa says
Hey Erin, are we twins?? 🙂 That’s B’s and my idea too – as much as we’d like to do a super cheap wedding (aka elope) there are some family members who we would love to see at our wedding and, like you said, they’re not getting any younger. It really means a lot to have them there, but like you said, that means realistically spending around $5k… and I’m hoping that’s the top part of our budget! You guys should go through the marriage thing first so I can copy your budget 😉
Myles Money says
I may have missed something obvious, but I don’t see how being in debt changes your plans for marriage: if you’ve found the person you want to spend your life with, how will clearing your debts BEFORE you get married make a difference?
Melissa says
It might not change some people’s ideas about getting married to their boyfriend/girlfriend, but some people would prefer to clear up as much debt as they can and/or have some savings stashed away before they get married. While you can do marriages very cheap here in the US (Justice of the Peace ceremony), some people want to have an event and, in general, those weddings cost anywhere from $2k-20k. Not saying you have to get married and invite a bunch of people, but a lot of people do that, and that’s something to save up for. On top of EVERYTHING else – emergency savings, retirement, buying a house, paying off debt. So some people put off marriage for a bit until they can get a steady job and some regular savings.
Amanda @ My Life, I Guess says
My social circle seems to be going through a second-wave of marriage and/or babies right now. (The first was a few years ago.) 2 summers ago I was invited to 9 weddings! This summer… Zero. (And so far mine and my sisters are planned for Next summer.) – P.S. I’m 31.
I would like to have more financial stability before we get married, but realistically, we’re going to do it cheap and easy, so it’s not going to put much (if any) financial stress on us. I’ll still have my student loan, but I’ll likely have that until I’m 90!
Melissa says
Haha, I like the optimism on the student loan! Hey, it will be with you forever – a constant you can always count on 😉 Oh man, I can’t imagine being invited to a second wave of weddings or baby showers. I feel like I’m just getting over the first wave – it’s so expensive attending weddings/baby showers! Give us a break for a minute 🙂
NZ Muse says
I actually feel like marriage is still pretty common place. Maybe not in Europe (while in Germany our host went on and on about how it just doesn’t mean anything these days) but we certainly know a lot of couples who are married, many surprisingly young.
I do agree the economic downturn has hit young men hard – this has led to many tough times in our relationship (including rightnow).
Melissa says
I agree – for the most part, some of my friends are married, and most want to be married in the future. I think so many are trying to find steady employment that, for those who are still unmarried, they’re focusing on that first instead of marriage. But like you, I don’t think it’s going away!
Tennille says
Personally I think marriage is still very important but I can understand why people are putting it off a few years. I think it’s great that people are waiting until their late twenties because I don’t think you really know who you are until then anyway.
Melissa says
Absolutely! I definitely agree with you, although I do know several people who got married young and are working out just fine. It’s really up to the couple and where they are in life. I just think being married helps in so many ways – having a partner to help you out through thick and thin is such a relief. Thanks for your two cents, Tennille!
Ms. LoL of lastingonlittle.com says
I’d really like the option to get married, although I’m still a little torn about if I would actually do it or not. On the one hand, tax benefits and less paperwork for POA stuff. On the other, different paperwork for the marrying bit! lol
Melissa says
Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you brought this up! That’s one of my concerns too… sooo much paperwork, plus you have to get a new passport, ID, change your bank and insurance paperwork… such a hassle, haha. I know friends who took a week off of work just to get everything taken care of. But… tax benefits. SO there is that 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Sarah says
Hi!! First time reader here 🙂 I’m actually from Phoenix! We just moved to NC two months ago and love it!! I lived in Phx my whole life so this is definitely a fun change of pace!
My husband I and eloped, haha. We had been together just a little over a year and neither one of us wanted to deal with the stresses of planning a wedding. We also decided it would be best to use that money towards a down payment on a house. Everyone is different, though…another reason we didn’t want a traditional wedding is almost all of our family is out of state, so we knew not many people would be able to come.
Great post!! Very insightful!! While I do believe in marriage and love being married, I do think it’s on the decline and can see why people put it off. Everyone’s different and we all have different goals – so you just gotta do what you feel is right in your heart!
Hope you have a great weekend!!
Melissa says
Hey fellow Phoenician!! I’m so glad I discovered your blog – can’t wait to read about your NC travels! FALL! 🙂 Hey, eloping is a great idea too! Wedding planning is stressful and, from what I’ve noticed, everyone wants to tell you how you should plan your wedding. Everyone has an opinion… but I’m sure you’ve noticed everyone has an opinion on parenting, too, so that’s normal. Thank you so much for sharing!